630-871-2400
Recent Blog Posts
A benefit of getting divorced that might surprise you
The divorce process can be stressful and aggravating sometimes, but you will get through it if you stay focused on your goal: a reasonable settlement that respects your property and parental rights and sets you up well long-term.
Ending an irretrievably broken marriage can be emotionally painful and psychologically turbulent at times. But once it's over, you will be free of the problems that plagued your relationship. For many people in Wheaton, starting the next phase of their lives in this way is a huge relief. They can now focus on their own happiness and raising their children.
Improved work life?
Another benefit that some divorced experience is an improvement in their work life. In a survey published in a scientific journal, 39 percent of divorced people said that ending their marriage positively affected their work. Another 44 percent said that divorce had had a negative effect. Still, the fact that the figures were so close suggests that the effect of divorce on your career depends on individual circumstances.
Reducing your digital footprint during your divorce
Everyone you know likely has a social media account, and you may too. You and your friends post pictures about what you eat, where you went on vacation and who you’re spending time with. You may even make comments and have long conversations on online forums.
While the internet is a great place for people to connect, it has a large drawback if you’re having a divorce. If your soon-to-be-ex-spouse finds something they don’t like online, then they could create issues during the divorce process. Your spouse could use what they find online to draw out the process or demand more assets or alimony.
The best thing you can do about protecting your online information and interactions is to stay offline. Completely ignoring your social media account can prevent your spouse from using it against you. But, if you still want to stay online during the process, then you may need to consider taking protective measures going forward. Here’s what you should know:
Change your privacy setting
Every social media user has a privacy setting. A privacy setting allows users to decide who can view their accounts. In most cases, users have options to alter who can see their account, make comments, follow or like posts. You may need to change all of your settings so that your spouse can’t access your account and prevent them from using a friend to spy on you.
What are the divorce rates by state?
It can be difficult to track divorce statistics. For instance, people sometimes say that half of all marriages end in divorce. But stats like this account for the entire length of the marriage. A couple could stay married for 30 years and still get divorced eventually, counting toward this 50%, but that wouldn’t be clear for three decades.
As a result, these rates are usually calculated simply by looking at the number of people getting divorced per 1,000 people living in that area. This allows you to see which states and locations have higher divorce rates than others. There is quite a lot of variety across the U.S., and you may be wondering where Illinois ranks.
1.6 divorces per 1,000 people
First and foremost, Illinois actually ranks as one of the states with the lowest divorce rate, at just 1.6 divorces for every 1,000 people in the state. This is notably lower than nearby states like Michigan, at 2.1, or Missouri, at 2.7.
However, to truly see how Illinois ranks, it’s worth looking at some of the states with the highest divorce rates. For example, Wyoming has a divorce rate of 3.8, giving it the highest rate in the country. This is followed by Alabama at 3.7, Arkansas at 3.6 and Oklahoma at 3.5. Of the states that had data reported, the lowest rate found was in Massachusetts, at 1.0.
How could your spouse hide assets?
Most people do not try to hide assets during a divorce, knowing that doing so can get them into a difficult legal position. If the court orders them to fully disclose the assets that they own and they intentionally leave things out or try to manipulate the numbers, they can be in violation of that court order.
However, there are those who decide that they are going to hide assets so that their spouse gets 0% of those assets, rather than the percentage allocated by the court. It’s important for you to know how this may happen and what tactics they could use so that you can see any warning signs in advance.
Examples of tactics people use
It is certainly important to remember that every case is unique and you know your spouse better than anyone else. That being said, here are some examples that people have used in the past, which you may want to look for:
- Getting a friend to agree to hold the money until after the divorce
- Making up fake debts or other financial obligations
Should you let teachers know about a divorce?
If you’re getting a divorce and your children are in school, you may be considering telling their teacher about what’s going on. On the other hand, you may think that this is oversharing and that the teacher doesn’t need to know, or you may even feel awkward bringing it up because it is such a personal subject.
But it can actually be beneficial to tell teachers that you are getting a divorce. You don’t necessarily have to go into much detail. Making them aware can be helpful for a few different reasons.
Changes in the child’s behavior
For one thing, there may be some differences in your child’s behavior at this time. Divorce can be a bit stressful and children usually adjust very well to it after time, but those initial months can be hard. When a teacher knows why these behavioral changes are occurring, it makes it easier to navigate.
Teachers offer support
Furthermore, many children see their teachers as part of their support system. They trust them. They know them well. The teacher is someone they can talk to.
Is there a right time to inform kids about a divorce?
Going through a divorce with kids involved can make issues more complicated. This is because you need to tell them about this significant change and watch them go through different emotions. Thus, you should approach the subject carefully to avoid negative effects.
However, besides being strategic in conveying your message, you need to know the right time to do so. Here is when to consider having a divorce conversation with your kids.
Not too soon or late
Once you and your spouse have decided to divorce, it will help to wait a bit longer before informing the kids, perhaps after you have figured out major issues like when the separation will occur or which parent will move out. Telling them months before separation may make things odd in the house, and your kids may overthink things.
Nonetheless, you don't want to do it late. Don't wait until one parent has moved out to inform them of the divorce. This may surprise your kids.
It will be best if your kids have a brief transition time. Not too early to increase their worries or too late to create an unexpectedness that makes it hard for them to adjust to their new life.
3 self-care tips for parents during divorce
Divorce is hard on everyone in the family. The primary concern of any parent is how to safeguard and provide for their children. However, doing so frequently can result in you neglecting your own needs.
Despite the fact that it may seem like you don't have the time or energy, prioritizing your needs and engaging in self-care can enable you to better care for the children.
1. Make time for yourself
If you're just getting the hang of co-parenting and giving your kids emotional support too, you might find that you're busier than ever. Make sure you give yourself some breathing room and schedule time each day to do something just for you. There are a lot of free self-care choices accessible, so it doesn't have to be pricey.
2. Accept that your decision is necessary
You are neither a bad person or a bad parent if you get divorced. In fact, even though it's difficult to realize now, it might be the best choice for you and your family. There will be difficult periods, but you must always keep in mind to be gentle with yourself at these times. You're making the best of a challenging circumstance.
Can therapy help your children during your divorce?
Divorce is never easy and can be tough to navigate if you have children. While you work through the details of your divorce and begin rebuilding your life, it's crucial to consider the impact it will have on your children. Too often, the focus is on the adults during a divorce, and the needs of the children are overlooked.
However, therapy can be a helpful tool for both you and your children as you go through this difficult time.
Divorce can be traumatic for children
Divorce can be a difficult and trying time for children who are involved. Many children have to adjust to a new home, say goodbye to extended family, and cope with the ever-changing dynamics between their parents.
Therapy can help children regulate their emotions by teaching them healthy coping skills during this tumultuous period in their lives. Participating in therapy provides a child with an unbiased environment in which they can openly discuss their feelings without being judged. It also helps them understand that all of us experience challenging times throughout life, helping to build resiliency. Furthermore, therapy helps to affirm that no matter how hard the divorce may be, it is possible to come through on the other side feeling fulfilled and valued.
3 “don’ts” for divorcing parents with adult children
If you’re in your 50s or older and divorcing, you may be grateful that your child is an adult so you don’t have to deal with things like child custody and support agreements and making sure their life isn’t upended any more than necessary. There are still things you need to be mindful of even though your child is on their own and maybe living hundreds of miles away.
Parental divorce can have a serious effect on adult children – particularly if the parent-child bond is strained by parents who see them as confidantes rather than the product of both parents who likely cares about both of them. Here are a few ways to prevent that.
Don’t talk to your child as you would a friend
If you and your child have a close relationship, you may feel comfortable sharing the details of what went wrong in the marriage and more specifically what your spouse did wrong. However, doing that crosses a line and can potentially damage your relationship with your child. While your child has a right to know, at least in general terms, what happened, the details should be saved for friends, therapists, siblings and attorneys.
Should you stay on the mortgage with you ex after divorce?
Generally speaking, when two people get divorced, they will sell the house so that they can split any profit that they make from that sale. They can then use this money to buy new houses or apartments for themselves. They don’t stay on the mortgage together for their family home.
However, there are some cases in which couples will consider doing this. Perhaps the market is down, and they want to own the house for a bit longer to see if the value goes up. Perhaps the children don’t want to move out of the house, and they’re considering keeping it until the kids are done with high school. There are reasons that this happens, but is it something you should consider?
Remember your financial obligations
The big thing to consider here is that if you’re not going to be living in the house, staying on the mortgage with your ex means that you are still obligated to make those mortgage payments. Both you and your ex will continue to have that liability.
If your ex is staying in the house, they may tell you that they’ll have no problem paying the mortgage on their own. In fact, some people don’t want to refinance in their own name because they wouldn’t be able to qualify for the mortgage, even though they think that what they’re paying currently is affordable. However, if your ex is wrong and they start to miss payments, remember that you could end up having to pay what they can’t or see your credit rating suffer.
FREE CONSULTATIONS
630-871-2400
Office Location
2100 Manchester Road
Building B, Suite 1085
Wheaton, IL 60187
MAP + DIRECTIONS [+]
Follow Us
