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How to share a home with your spouse during divorce
When a marriage is no longer tenable and you decide to divorce, one of the biggest issues you will contend with is whether you should leave the family home or not during the divorce process. Of course, either decision has repercussions. Sharing the same living space with your spouse can be quite uncomfortable. On the other hand, moving out could impact your property division goals.
If you decide to live together during the divorce process, it is important that you come up with some ground rules. Here are three helpful tips that can help you share the home with your soon-to-be ex while working out the terms of your divorce.
Establish a personal space
Even if the divorce is amicable, it is important that each spouse has a space they can call their own. This includes having separate bedrooms and closets. Additionally, you need to discuss how you are going to share common spaces like the kitchen, washrooms and living room. If you have shared computers or had similar passwords, you may want to set boundaries here too.
Closing a bank account during divorce
If you and your spouse are using a joint bank account and you decide to get divorced, you will need to close that account. Often, this is just a technical task. Maybe it’s where you get your paychecks deposited, for instance, so you both want to start a new account to split up your future income.
But one thing that is important to keep in mind is that this also can become contentious in some situations. For instance, you cannot simply close a joint account and take all of the money out of it yourself. This could be construed as a form of fraud, in the sense that it appears you were trying to hide those assets from your spouse. They do need to be divided between both of you during the divorce.
So, while closing the account is a good idea, you do also need to communicate with your spouse and do this at the same time. In fact, some banks will require that you are both there or that you at least get the other person’s signature before they will allow you to close the account.
Why do some divorced couples live together?
After divorce, many people live separately from their exes, like in a different city, state or even another country. However, some divorced couples opt to live together instead. (There may even be couples who take advantage of Illinois Statutes Chapter 750 Families, Section 5/401 (a-5) (the six-month separation requirement) by living in different areas of the same building.)
You’re probably wondering why some divorced couples live together since there’s usually great tension between them. Here are three common reasons why they share living space.
To save money
Owning a home is expensive — and in some cases — moving out and renting an apartment is just as costly. Furthermore, moving in with a relative or friend isn’t feasible for everyone. Therefore, some exes decide to share the same household, even if it might take extra work to not break into arguments.
To raise any children together
Many divorced couples have minor children in tow. In addition, children with divorced parents typically have to move between houses a few times each week, which can be stressful for them, especially if parents have different parenting styles. Living together to raise children helps exes hold a truce for the kids’ sake. In addition, this arrangement can set a good example for kids to emulate and apply to their future relationships.
My ex is interfering with visitation plans. What do I do?
Every fit parent has the right to spend time with their child regardless of the living arrangements or the nature of the relationship with their co-parent. Unfortunately, however, it is not uncommon for a parent to interfere with a court-approved custody and visitation plan.
If your co-parent is stopping you from seeing your child, you need to take specific steps to exercise your rights. Here is what you need to know if your co-parent is interfering with the custody order.
Court orders are binding
Your co-parent might have their own reasons for attempting to interfere with an existing custody order. Perhaps, you are not returning the child in time or they do not approve of your current love life. However, they simply cannot take the law into their own hands. Once a judge approves and signs the custody order, both parties must abide by it if and until it has been formally modified. Any attempt to sabotage it amounts to a violation. And the consequences of a violation can be far-reaching, regardless of a parent’s motivation.
Which is better for me: monthly or lump-sum alimony?
Some people receive alimony (spousal maintenance) from their exes during or after a divorce. Per Illinois Statutes Chapter 750 Families, Section 5/504 (b-1)(1)(A), the alimony amount is calculated by taking 33 1/3 percent of the payor’s net annual salary minus a quarter of the payee’s net annual salary.
As a payee, you are probably wondering whether it’s better for you to collect alimony on a monthly basis or as a lump sum. Read over the benefits both options offer.
Monthly alimony advantages
Here are some perks of receiving monthly alimony:
- Monthly alimony is handy if your spouse was the sole breadwinner: Divorce can be financially devastating for the non-earning spouse. With monthly payments, you receive recurring monetary support until you find work. This is especially useful if you have sole custody of minor children.
- Those in years-long marriages can receive permanent alimony: If you and your spouse have been married for a couple of decades, then you might be eligible for permanent alimony according to Illinois Statutes Chapter 750 Families, Section 5/504 (b-1)(1)(B).
A benefit of getting divorced that might surprise you
The divorce process can be stressful and aggravating sometimes, but you will get through it if you stay focused on your goal: a reasonable settlement that respects your property and parental rights and sets you up well long-term.
Ending an irretrievably broken marriage can be emotionally painful and psychologically turbulent at times. But once it's over, you will be free of the problems that plagued your relationship. For many people in Wheaton, starting the next phase of their lives in this way is a huge relief. They can now focus on their own happiness and raising their children.
Improved work life?
Another benefit that some divorced experience is an improvement in their work life. In a survey published in a scientific journal, 39 percent of divorced people said that ending their marriage positively affected their work. Another 44 percent said that divorce had had a negative effect. Still, the fact that the figures were so close suggests that the effect of divorce on your career depends on individual circumstances.
Reducing your digital footprint during your divorce
Everyone you know likely has a social media account, and you may too. You and your friends post pictures about what you eat, where you went on vacation and who you’re spending time with. You may even make comments and have long conversations on online forums.
While the internet is a great place for people to connect, it has a large drawback if you’re having a divorce. If your soon-to-be-ex-spouse finds something they don’t like online, then they could create issues during the divorce process. Your spouse could use what they find online to draw out the process or demand more assets or alimony.
The best thing you can do about protecting your online information and interactions is to stay offline. Completely ignoring your social media account can prevent your spouse from using it against you. But, if you still want to stay online during the process, then you may need to consider taking protective measures going forward. Here’s what you should know:
Change your privacy setting
What are the divorce rates by state?
It can be difficult to track divorce statistics. For instance, people sometimes say that half of all marriages end in divorce. But stats like this account for the entire length of the marriage. A couple could stay married for 30 years and still get divorced eventually, counting toward this 50%, but that wouldn’t be clear for three decades.
As a result, these rates are usually calculated simply by looking at the number of people getting divorced per 1,000 people living in that area. This allows you to see which states and locations have higher divorce rates than others. There is quite a lot of variety across the U.S., and you may be wondering where Illinois ranks.
1.6 divorces per 1,000 people
First and foremost, Illinois actually ranks as one of the states with the lowest divorce rate, at just 1.6 divorces for every 1,000 people in the state. This is notably lower than nearby states like Michigan, at 2.1, or Missouri, at 2.7.
However, to truly see how Illinois ranks, it’s worth looking at some of the states with the highest divorce rates. For example, Wyoming has a divorce rate of 3.8, giving it the highest rate in the country. This is followed by Alabama at 3.7, Arkansas at 3.6 and Oklahoma at 3.5. Of the states that had data reported, the lowest rate found was in Massachusetts, at 1.0.
How could your spouse hide assets?
Most people do not try to hide assets during a divorce, knowing that doing so can get them into a difficult legal position. If the court orders them to fully disclose the assets that they own and they intentionally leave things out or try to manipulate the numbers, they can be in violation of that court order.
However, there are those who decide that they are going to hide assets so that their spouse gets 0% of those assets, rather than the percentage allocated by the court. It’s important for you to know how this may happen and what tactics they could use so that you can see any warning signs in advance.
Examples of tactics people use
It is certainly important to remember that every case is unique and you know your spouse better than anyone else. That being said, here are some examples that people have used in the past, which you may want to look for:
- Getting a friend to agree to hold the money until after the divorce
- Making up fake debts or other financial obligations
Should you let teachers know about a divorce?
If you’re getting a divorce and your children are in school, you may be considering telling their teacher about what’s going on. On the other hand, you may think that this is oversharing and that the teacher doesn’t need to know, or you may even feel awkward bringing it up because it is such a personal subject.
But it can actually be beneficial to tell teachers that you are getting a divorce. You don’t necessarily have to go into much detail. Making them aware can be helpful for a few different reasons.
Changes in the child’s behavior
For one thing, there may be some differences in your child’s behavior at this time. Divorce can be a bit stressful and children usually adjust very well to it after time, but those initial months can be hard. When a teacher knows why these behavioral changes are occurring, it makes it easier to navigate.
Teachers offer support
Furthermore, many children see their teachers as part of their support system. They trust them. They know them well. The teacher is someone they can talk to.
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