Posted on July 30, 2019 in Divorce

Could you be in a toxic marriage?

In a toxic marriage, you aren't free to change and grow. If anything, you find yourself withering, being exhausted at the mere idea of enduring time with your spouse and feeling trapped.

Often, it's easier for outsiders to see just how toxic a marriage really is to their loved one. They can tell that the emotional garden your marriage is planting is full of weeds or poisonous plants, while you're focused on the one or two flowers that are managing to grow.

So, what signs can help you spot a toxic marriage? Here are a few:

1. Your spouse's jokes are covert critiques

Jokes should be funny for everyone. When your spouse "jokingly" makes fun of your weight, your work, your efforts at cooking and other things that matter to you, that's hurtful behavior — yet, somehow, you're portrayed as the "bad guy" if you don't laugh.

What's really happening is that your spouse is killing your self-esteem, one "joke" at a time.

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 Posted on July 22, 2019 in Child Custody

Shared parenting scares a lot of soon-to-be-divorced parents. The whole idea of being separated from their child for any length of time is upsetting — and many parents start out wanting sole physical custody of their children following the divorce.

Well, sole physical custody isn't the way that the family court system prefers to handle child custody these days. There's an abundance of evidence that says that — in most cases — children do better when they maintain strong connections with both of their parents.

When isn't shared parenting a good idea?

The only time shared parenting is a bad idea is when the children would be actively in danger while they're with their other parent. In other words, situations where the other parent has:

• Uncontrolled mental illness that is severe enough to make him or her lose touch with reality
• A drug addiction that could cause him or her to neglect or endanger the children

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 Posted on July 18, 2019 in Family Law

A lot of couples are hesitant to get prenuptial agreements. Aside from the fact that discussing a prenup doesn't exactly set a romantic tone when you're planning your nuptials, some people feel like a prenup is akin to betting the marriage will fail.

There are a lot of good reasons to consider a prenup, but one of the most obvious ones may be the cost of the wedding itself. Unless money is no object in your pursuit of a dream wedding, you may quickly experience some sticker shock at the cost of a wedding these days.

In 2019, the estimated cost for an average wedding is $29,858. Of course, that can vary drastically, depending on where you live. In Chicago, the average price is $49,151. In Central Illinois, it's $19,251.

In many cases, research shows that the two people planning the wedding have vastly different ideas about what's reasonable to spend on it. Around three-fourths of couples who go into debt over a wedding fight over what they're spending.

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 Posted on July 08, 2019 in Divorce

When you and your spouse created frozen embryos in the hope of having children at some point, you never imagined that you'd end up divorced. Suddenly, those embryos are no longer a blessing but a complicated part of your divorce proceedings.

What happens now?

The answer may depend on how much you and your spouse agree on what should happen. If you agree that the embryos should be destroyed, you can make that decision.

Problems only develop when one spouse wants to destroy frozen embryos and the other wants to keep them for future use. At that point, the courts have to step in and decide whose interests ultimately outweigh the others. Many see the issue as being a complex question of how ethics, morality, human rights, biology and religion intersect.

Here are some of the factors a court may consider when one spouse wants to destroy frozen embryos in a divorce and the other wants to preserve them:

1. Is there a pre-existing contract between the parties regarding the embryos? Does it specify what happens in a divorce?

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 Posted on July 03, 2019 in Family Law

Are you a grandparent who is raising your grandchild because their parents are unable to? You aren't alone. The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) says that more than 100,000 grandparents in the state are in the same situation.

In some situations, grandparents are able to obtain legal custody or formally adopt their grandchildren. However, many choose to seek guardianship rights instead.

What is guardianship?

Guardianship grants you the authority to make the day-to-day decisions regarding your grandchild's care. It means that you have the legal right to decide where the child lives and goes to school and things like what medical care they receive.

Obtaining guardianship confers formal rights to you over your grandchild's future and enables you to receive benefits for that child, apply for financial assistance from the state and obtain respite care.

When is seeking guardianship of a grandchild a good idea?

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 Posted on June 25, 2019 in Divorce

When you're a woman, changing your last name at marriage is a social custom that's so widely accepted it's accomplished just by showing your marriage certificate when you update your driver's license and Social Security record.

If you get divorced, however, the road back to your previous name is not so simple. In fact, many Illinois women consider it downright intrusive and complicated — to the point where they may put the whole thing off indefinitely rather than cope with the hassle and exposure.

Things may soon change. If Governor J.B. Pritzker signs the legislation that's currently in front of him (and he's widely expected to do so), women will gain the right to change their names back to their maiden name following a divorce without the hassle of publishing (and paying for) an announcement in the newspaper to alert potential creditors. That requirement is waived during a name change due to marriage — but no such provision exists for divorce.

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 Posted on June 21, 2019 in Divorce

Illinois is one of the few states in the country that — thanks to a relatively recent law — allows judges to treat dogs (and other pets) as something other than property that has to be allocated to one spouse or the other in a split.

Under Illinois law, judges can now consider the "best interest of the animal" when deciding who gets custody of a family pet. The law only applies to pets that are potentially marital assets — as service animals belong to the person they are designed to assist, and pets that were owned prior to marriage are individual property.

While judges and attorneys say that pet custody usually gets worked out by the divorcing couple before they get all the way to court, there are times when it becomes a real issue. When that happens, the situation can quickly escalate into a full-blown battle.

So, how do you show that you're the best person to keep custody of a pet? Here are some suggestions:

Keep good records

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 Posted on June 13, 2019 in Family Law

Did you settle for less-than-equal parenting time with the kids when you split from your ex-wife? If so, you may have done yourself and your children a huge disservice.

Conventionally, a lot of people seem to believe that it's more important for mothers to be present in their children's lives on a daily basis than it is for fathers to be there — but the research shows something much different.

Fathers have such a profound effect on their children (and vice-versa) that there is a measurable difference between how well premature babies develop with and without their father's frequent visits. Early bonding with a child also produces chemical changes in the father's brain, mimicking the maternal connection women have with their babies.

For the sake of your children's well-being, here are the things you need to have following a split with your spouse:

1. Plenty of time

Children thrive best when parents are equally invested in their upbringing — and that requires equal parenting time.

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 Posted on June 07, 2019 in Child Custody

Want to know one sure-fire way to end up back in court with your ex-spouse?

Here's all it takes: Introduce the kids to your new romantic partner right away.

While there's nothing in your divorce papers that prevents you from moving on and finding someone new, it's pretty much universally agreed that you need to take things slowly where the kids are concerned. No matter how old your children are, introducing them too quickly to your new boyfriend or girlfriend can cause an unbelievable amount of stress. This is why:

Children need time to adjust to their new situation

You can't expect kids to "go with the flow" of your new relationship. They need time to adjust first to your divorce, then to the idea that you might see someone else.

They may get attached too quickly

If your children are feeling lonely or depressed about their absent Mom or Dad, having a new maternal or paternal figure in the picture can lead to confusion and over-attachment. That's psychologically damaging on a number of levels — but particularly so if the relationship doesn't work out, and your new partner vanishes.

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 Posted on June 05, 2019 in Child Custody

You and your spouse have experienced many changes since the birth of your children. Perhaps the most challenging changes occurred during and after your divorce. Scheduling time with the children may have included arguments and disputes, but if you received primary custody, you were fortunate to be with them more often as they grew.

Now you have a teenager in the house, and this alone is a new experience. However, you may be shocked and confused if your teen recently announced that he or she wants to move out of your house and in with your ex. This is not unusual, but the way you handle the situation may mean the difference in your future relationship with your child.

Keeping the conversation positive

Before you make any moves, you will want to review your custody plan. Whether yours came as an Illinois court order or was a plan you and your ex designed, it is not wise to make any extreme changes without the advice of an attorney.

If granting your child's request is advisable, your legal counselor may recommend seeking a custody modification from the court. This will give you the protection of the law if any disputes should arise in the future. However, you may decide to fight the idea for your child's own good. Nevertheless, you can address the question with your child with these things in mind:

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